Friday, October 23, 2009

Attention All! (An into to

I had an amazing chat with my professor today, funny how life happens. I was running late and almost didn't go to class because I HATE going to class late, I walk in and there sits my professor, reading a book without a class. I thought maybe the class had gone out for some "hands on" work since it is, after all, a reporting class. Turns out that no one else had shown up today. I sit down to wait it out until he tells me I can leave.

After a few seconds of sitting awkwardly while he read his book he puts it down and starts asking how my semester is going and about my classes and then came the dreaded question: what are your plans after graduation, what kind of writing do you want to do?

So I explain my dream of having my own column and wanting to write, what I found out is called observational reporting. He gets a grin on his face and proceeds to offer me pearls of wisdom from his time in the business and tips how to get where I want to get. He asked if I had a blog and when I told him about this one and the pitiful four or five posts on it he urged me to start writing regularly and make it an out of class assignment for myself so I can get used to a non-reporting style of writing.

I left that class room today feeling the passion for writing I've lost this last semester, I haven't been this excited about my career since I first changed my major, this is an amazing feeling! He made me want to write again, he let me know he cares, he showed me that someone on this campus believes in me. Words can't describe how grateful I am to him for this feeling I have today, but maybe actions can.

I have created another blog, dedicated to practicing for my life goal. At least once a week, ideally twice a week, I will write about whatever moves me. I hope you'll follow that blog too and give me feedback. Here's the link, , if you have a free minute ever please check in. I'm so excited about this new project! For the first time in months I feel like I can do this, I am truly excited for this!

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Secret Enemies and Snake Charmers

Every now and then you spend time with awesome people, like the friends who came to visit me this weekend, and they remind you how good it feels to be around people you can trust and you know have your back. I've realized this is a blessing not to be ignored or taken for granted because it is rare indeed.

I could count on one hand the number of friends I have that I can trust completely, and that is a terrible but important discovery. Why do I surround myself with this sort of people? How do they find me? I've always had these "friends" in my life that are totally dedicated to themselves and don't care who or what they hurt along the way.

It's terrible when one of your best friends becomes one of your secret enemies. Someone you can't relax around, someone that constantly keeps you against a wall. And when you see their true colors, you freeze and realize how much you told them in confidence that has now become ammunition to be pulled out and used against you with no warning. So what do you do? You have to stay friends with them. You pick the snake up from the grass and keep it as a pet because you figure it's harder for it to bite you if you keep an eye on it. This is not always the case. The longer you're around your snake your memories of the dangers it presents fade away and it will strike when you least expect it. So you live in fear of this creature, wanting it to think all is well so it has no reason to attack, but also trying to stay aware that the serpent ultimately is the one in control.

This is no way to live, yet it is a purgatory I have willingly submitted myself to over the years. One day I will be released from this torment, but for now I wait. Wait and pretend that everything's ok.

I have been blessed with some friends that I could not live without and I thank you for being there with me, thank you for helping me charm my snakes.

Monday, May 25, 2009

Long time no blog

Seeing as how I just looked at the clock and I meant to go to bed an hour ago I'll make this fast.  I haven't written for a long (and I mean a looooong) time for a plethora of reasons, mostly being while I would have loved to let my feelings out over the last few months I couldn't because Cyber space is a vast, open pit where anyone can find anything.  Frankly I like to let somethings bMknown and others not so much.  I sit here right now debating on whether or not I'll post this one.  

I've never been much for blogging, keeping a journal-sure, blogging-meh.  Even blogs onMyspace or notes on Facebook have never been much of a thing for me.  While those who read my blog I have no problem seeing my thoughts there's always that X-factor that makes me freeze up and not say what I would like to.  How I envy those who say what then want to on their blogs and don't give a rat's bum who reads it.  I wish I could have that attitude; but life has taught me it's best to keep your head down and keep quiet nine times out of ten.  

So I write all of these anxieties I have about blogging and not wanting the entire world to know my inner-most thoughts and yet I write a blog anyway.  What is it that compels me so much to write?  Is it the hopes that I'll say something I shouldn't and that my blog will, through some unforeseen crazy, random happenstance, confront the world for me?  Is it that I'm tired of always taking the high road that, while it is ultimately the better path is far more painful and much less satisfying than sinking to the levels of those who hurt me, and feel an unquenchable desire to be heard?  Do I seek to create drama when there doesn't need to be-I would hope not.  

Ha.  Perhaps I will never know the answer but for now I play safe and just want to let you, my friends, know that life is good!  I have stories from my trip last weekend to share and hopefully pictures will follow.  Happy Memorial Day everyone!

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Ozzie and Me

I finished reading Marley and Me this afternoon and I can't remember the last time I cried so much.  If you haven't read that book, regardless of your feelings towards man's best friend, I strongly suggest that you do.  John Grogan, the author and master of Marley, truly captures what makes owning a dog so rewarding and how we can learn so much even from the worst of the canine species.

I was touched by this book so much because my own numb skull of a dog is a mini-Marley.  Until I read this book I thought for sure Ozzie was the worst dog on the planet, he steals our cat's food from right under his nose, he barks and pulls the couch apart on a regular basis convinced that a single remnant of a doggie treat from weeks before is somehow far more pleasing to the palate than his fresh treat given to him moment before.  Ozzie also feels the need to protect my mom from me, anytime I try to sit next to her on the couch he has to worm his way in between us so he's closer to her than I am.  And if that doesn't stop my assault he will bark at me until I move.

But in spite of all his little quirks, or maybe because of them, I love my little fur ball.  He is dumber than most species of coral but he has a heart of gold.  For an eternal puppy with boundless supplies of energy he somehow knows when I need someone to be there for me.  He knows when I'm upset and he'll just sit there and let me hold him.  Unlike humans, Ozzie never asks what's in it for me?  He is just there, totally loyal and faithful to the end, living for the moments he can spend with his people.  

Ozzie teaches me how to enjoy the simple things in life; from enjoying the sweet relief of evening after a hot summer's day to just taking a nap with your best friend by your side.  I feel so bless that Ozzie found his way into my home, he has been a constant companion and friend for eight years now.  Sometimes I want to wring his neck, but most of the time I love him.  He has brought much laughter to my life and some worry but that's part of the journey.  A wonderful journey that I will never forget, even long after he's gone.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

So here I am

As promised to my dearest Lindy, here I am. I went out and got myself a blog AND now I'm writing on it. Woot. I hope this becomes addicting as everyone says because in all honesty, I need something to do at work.

So this isn't much of a post because I don't have much to say at the moment. Oh well, such is life. My next task is to find others with blogs so people actually read my blogs. Woot!

Anyway, so yeah.

See you in the aftermath. Peace. Only not literally.